It’s like how when you squint through tears, lights explode like supernovae and occupy the whole of your vision. That’s what this blurred realm is. A soft coating over my iris diffusing light tangentially to the orb of my eye. Each day lived inside itself, doled out in increments of understanding, without the benefit of foresight. Each moment exploding before me in full prismatic 3-D display, a staccato rendering of the mundane – measuring, cutting, building, driving, buying, driving, ingesting, exhausting, retiring. The caustic blaring of my nemesis, the clock.
The highway rolls out before me cut by lines that ba-bump rhythmically through a tired chassis. Lines converging in perspective, twin eyes of light expanding and sliding silently by. I’m beat, but I don’t know why. It’s the number of revolutions, not the miles, really. Wear and tear from constant idling. I once compared the average heart rates of animals to their lifespans. For most every creature I tried, it worked out to about one billion heart beats in a lifetime. We of the higher order, of course, have greatly extended the range of our existence. We now average close to three billion heartbeats in a lifetime.
The heart, it just keeps beating. Adding to the tally, moment by moment, no matter where I am. Stuck in traffic. Asleep. Watching a movie on the computer. Flipping through Wooden Boat magazine on the john. Romping in the woods with Cedar. Lost in a novel. Contemplating the sheer of an alpine peak; roiling in the wash of fast moving rapids; standing still, silent, hearing the rush of blood in my head as a nervous bear sizes me up.
Let the heart uncoil as you see fit. Let each escapement catch in a moment that will not recede from memory. Each swing of the pendulum is shorter, it is natural. The mathematical trick, then, is fitting more of these moments between the apices. Let the woosh as it swings by be the flood of blood in your brain, and make furrows in your mind.